What’s your yoga today?

“Pass me a yoga belt!” I cry at the husband. I’m lying on my yoga mat for the first time since giving birth to my beautiful daughter, Molly. I have snatched a few quiet moments just to touch base with my practice again. The thought process goes a little like this…

Can’t reach my toes without a belt! (Gasp!) Hamstrings screaming! (Shock horror!) Belly like jelly! (Where the hell is my core?!) Shoulders like the Tin Man (Gulp!) Back like a 90 year old (What the $%&£ happened to my wheel pose?!)

Yes, despite giving the air of being a peaceful yogi, this barrage of inner commentary was anything but serene. Smattered with expletives and full of negativity. The voice of my own ego had suddenly reared its ugly head to tell me just what it thought of my body and my yoga practice post pregnancy.

Did I expect to just spring back onto the mat, busting out backbends and handstands left, right and centre? If I am honest with you, I was not prepared for just how out of sorts I would feel. Never mind the fact that I’d recently given birth to a 10lb 8oz bouncing baby after 22 hours of labour. Oh no, the old ego just could not get its head around the fact that things were not quite as it thought they should be. From the wobbly belly to the only recently healed stitches, it was is no wonder there wasn’t a mula bandha in sight.

Motherhood so far has been an amazing journey, but I won’t lie to you, it has been intense and extremely tiring! There are times I’ve cried with exhaustion and the pressure of not quite knowing what it is this little being really wants. Am I doing this right? Should I be feeding her now or is she just windy? The book says don’t do it that way… From the round the clock feedings to the weight of sleep depravation, being a new mum really is a full time job.

The result being that my yoga practice has taken a back seat. Apart from a snatched 20 minutes here and there, there has not been much time to break out much more than a sun salutation or two. If I am honest with you again, I’ve worried about a number of things, from my body not getting back to its old self again, to thoughts of what my students would think if I couldn’t manage to hold a headstand. Things that seem trivial in writing, but at the same time remain all consuming during the little time I do spend on my mat.

But for now my yoga is clearly about something else. My yoga is about being a mummy to little Molly. As my own teacher, Lucy, so beautifully put it:

“You are doing hardcore karma/bhakti yoga right now. devotional self-surrender and 24/7 service to this little being who is no doubt teaching you about patience and letting go like no other teacher before… at the same time breaking your heart open to know a love like no other. Life shows me that asana {the physical yoga practice} is such an eensy teensy part of it all…”

…she’s right. Little Molly does not care if I cannot touch my toes and she does not mind if my hips are tighter than a pair of spandex! While my yoga mat is always there, these moments of motherhood…the first smile, the first laugh, the feeling of a little warm body against your chest…are moments I would not change for anything. That’s my yoga today…what’s yours?

“Your yoga begins when you leave the classroom.
It’s how you relate to people and how you relate to the world.
Your yoga is the giving and receiving.
It’s the wellness between inner and outer worlds.”

Nancy Gerstein