Left hip on fire…Stabbing sensation right side lower back…mind everywhere but the ‘present.’
If the teacher does not ring that bell RIGHT NOW and end today’s miserable excuse for my meditation, then I may be forced to stand up and ring it for her! (Please note, this is a slightly more PG version of my inner most ramblings on that day).
Now, I do not consider myself an angry person. Nor do I think of myself as particularly impatient. But boy, did both those sides rear their ugly heads during some of my meditation practices over the last few days! Weeks one and two of my yoga training seemed to be my sleeping phase, while week three was a mix of drowsy days and a sprinkling of blissful still moments (during which I almost thought I’d got this meditation lark on the right road).
Ever seen the movie ‘Groundhog Day?’ The one where Bill Murray keeps waking up in the same day over and over again? This week as my 5.20am alarm jolts me awake I trudge wearily to meditation with that very concept in my head. Different day, same struggle!
Nearly three weeks into my training, sitting still with just my barrage of thoughts for company is not getting any easier. Heck, the other day I even carried the pillow off my bed to add to my variety of ‘props.’ Short of making a sofa out of them all, I settled for stuffing it underneath my sitbones in the hope of avoiding the numb butt feeling after half an hour.
It’s 5am. I’m bolt upright in my bed in Bali, squinting at the palm sized dark object that has just dropped in to say hello through the wooden carvings beside my door. With the alarm set to go off in 20 minutes anyway, I decide sleeping with an intruder on the prowl is not an option, so I leap up to switch on the light and inspect the damage….cockroach. A speedy bugger this one is too. As he zips about the floor, a loud expletive escapes my lips, breaking the silence I am supposed to be observing first thing every morning.