“That’s a lame excuse for a press up if ever I saw one! Look at those arms shaking! You’ve got NO strength anymore!! And look at those thighs – get squatting NOW!”
It’s a hot, humid morning. I’m sweating it out in bootcamp in the battle against the jiggly bits. At this point, I need to highlight that the above dialogue is my inner voice talking and not the wonderful, encouraging instructor. Yes, over the last few weeks, my ego has been giving me a right old battering. “What’s the point?” it probes. “You’ve got no time!” it taunts. “You need to put in way more effort than that!”
I haven’t been giving myself an easy ride lately. On top of the exhaustion of raising a young family, my ego has been asking why I’m not ready to fit into a new wardrobe just yet. Why the scales are not reading an ‘acceptable’ figure by now. Why I don’t look like the insta-fitties who work out and drink green juice while baby happily watches.
So this week I thought I’d take a stance. I’ve devised my own daily workout that you can easily fit into your busy day with children…
- 1 x toddler (borrow if you don’t have)
- 1 x small baby
- 1 x buggy
- 1 x awkward to fit car seat
- 324 x baby lifts from floor to change mat to cot to play mat to bouncy chair
- 2 x middle of night carting of heavy toddler back into own bed
- 3 x late night baby rocking
- 1 x 4.30am jiggling of baby in desperate effort to re-start sleep
- 3 x toddler piggy-backs
- 12 x overhead baby lifts in order to instigate giggling
- 2 x 10 minute brisk walk pushing buggy while towing tired toddler on their bicycle
- 5 x wrestling toddler into car seat
- 5 x hauling 9kg baby and car seat in and out of car
- 5 x squat lifting buggy in and out of car boot
- 1 x overhead buggy lift to get it down the side of a too closely parked car (expletives optional)
- 1 x altercation with shopping trolley, buggy and toddler during exit of supermarket
- 3 x fielding toddler meltdown
- 2 x depositing little people into bed
Rest (if you can) and repeat.
Workout can be done 24/7.
Practiced regularly, this programme is guaranteed to increase tightness in your back, neck and shoulders and enlarge dark circles while leaving jiggly bits in tact.
While known to deplete energy levels and create an overall sense of exhaustion, it will still make you crave the company of your little people when you are not with them.
Total calorie burn depends on general level of stress, heat, humidity and toddler altercations.
Suggested soundtrack: any upbeat nursery rhyme.
Suggested pre workout fuel: coffee
Suggested post workout refreshment: a nice, spicy red.
Necessary fit mentality: the ability to cut yourself some serious slack.
Daily workout mantra: you are blooming amazing.
“I don’t have to be perfect. I just have to show up and enjoy the messy, imperfect, beautiful journey of my life.”